“If you are distressed by anything external, the pain is not due to the thing itself, but to your estimate of it; and this you have the power to revoke at any moment.”
Marcus Aurelius:
Why do we feel compelled to foster a fear based society? We allowed the government to promote fear as a way to try to bolster patriotism. We use fear to motivate and discipline our youths. If we know that it is fear that shackles us to a life of mediocrity, a life self limited, why do we continually embrace fear?
It has been said that fear is one of our innate emotions and a valuable tool for survival…with this I have no argument. Initial fear response can heighten all of our senses giving us an acute awareness of potentially dangerous situations.
It is the consistent state of fear that many of us live in that brings detrimental results…to both our physical as well as mental health. Fear can become disease like…contagious, fast growing affecting all aspects of our lives. Living in this state also begins to cloud our ability to clearly see/determine truly dangerous situations.
So how do we recognize/differentiate initial fear as a true warning and the irrational fear that cripples us. How do we accept one as the valuable tool it is and protect ourselves from the other. By being aware...looking at the situation with clarity and honesty, by evaluating outcomes. Is this a situation that truly gives us reason to fear for our safety or our we being held prisoner by baseless thoughts?
If the latter, it is only by facing the fear, that we can free ourselves from it. Ask yourself “what is the worst thing that can happen in this situation“...imagine that outcome, even if it is totally devastating… look at it, then look at what happens after...what are your options to deal with what comes next...remember you are just looking at it hypothetically don’t let fear stop you from looking at the situation. By not looking at it you are in no way keeping it from happening. You are practicing owning the situation not letting fear own it or you. What will happen will happen whether we worry or not, but we will be much healther without the worry and fear.
_______________
Once a new client came in my office, as we were talking he kept jumping up to look out he window...finally I asked him what was the matter...he said he was afraid that his car (brand new BMW) was going to get hit. I asked if worrying and constant checking was going to it protected it?
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Fear of change is one of man’s greatest fears… change of career, home, relationship, etc, when faced with theses changes the following questions are very helpful in finding clarity in your thoughts.
Thinking about your present situation answer these questions:
1) Where am I now?
2) What is good about it/ what is working here?
3) What do I have to lose if I no longer _____ here?
4) If I stay here what is the best I can expect?
5) Are my emotional, physical, financial, spiritual needs being met...to what extent?
6) What are the external forces holding me here?
Thinking about the future answer these questions:
7) Where do I think I want to_____?
8) What is good about it/ why would it work for me ?
9) How will my life change?
10) What is the best thing that could come out of this? Can I handle that?
11) What is the worst thing? Can I handle that?
12) If I didn’t have to worry about_______ would I make the change?
13) Do I anticipate emotional, physical, financial, spiritual needs be met...to what extent?
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5 comments:
I enjoyed your post. It is an interesting and complex subject (fear), one that I have been contemplating a lot lately.
After working for the same employer for 15 years, I was laid off while other less experienced, less loyal employees were kept on. I could go on and on about the problems/corruption/abuse that existed within the company, but I'd never stop writing.
After being home for a few weeks, neighbors began to comment on how well I looked. This caught me by surprise. I didn't realize that not only had my blood pressure dropped tremendously, but that I no longer appeared to have two black eyes (due to lack of sleep).
I began asking myself why I stayed with the company for so long, and I found that my decision to stay was ultimately based on fear. The abuse there had somehow become "normal" to me, to the extent that I lost sight of my goals and self esteem. I couldn't just blame the company for the injustices that occurred over those 15 years, I had to be accountable for allowing myself to be a willing victim of those injustices - afraid to start over somewhere new. What I realize is that I closed myself off from any new potential experiences/opportunities.
Today, I am still working to restructure my life, and I am enjoying being alive. I enjoy my family, my yard, lunch with friends and family, and good books that I hadn't had a chance to read previously. We shouldn't take life for granted because we never know when our time is up. Why not live the best life possible?
http://bizzie-lifeisfunny.blogspot.com
To live without fear is a great challenge for many of us. A good starting point is to turn off the news. Everything we hear is taken into our subconscious mind and by surrounding ourselves with positive input we can instantly release ourselves from fear. We watch it once in a while but when we do it is usually for a giggle. I know that there are subjects that we should remain aware of and we are, we just choose not to make it a part of our everyday lives or add power to it by watching it.
Julieanne
Dear Bizzie,
Thank you for sharing you story, You say you’ve been contemplating fear lately...it sounds as if you have conquered quite a bit of fear in your life lately. I believe that many times when we are stuck in a bad situation and unable to move, the universe will come along and give us the push we need (your layoff). Sometimes when this happens it is hard to see it as anything positive, the reality of uncertainty and the thought of change can very scary. But Kudos to you, because it sounds like you have used this opportunity to grow, face your fears and take ownership and responsibility for your life. You are without doubt much healthier than when you were at the company and will continue to heal and grow. Keep up the good work, you have a wonderful attitude!
Suzi
PS...is Bizzie really your nickname...one of my best friends has been call Bizzy her entire life.
Juilienne,
I so agree with you about the news media...we would all be much healthier if we weren't constantly bombarded with all that negativity.
Peace, Suzi
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